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ZOMBIELAND
(2009)
DIRECTOR:
Ruben Fleischer.
STARRING:
Woody Harrelson, Jessie Eisenberg, Emma Stone, Abigail Breslin.
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Allow me to take in a deep breath of air before I begin.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
I had HIGH hopes for Zombieland. I kept a close eye on it's release and watched any and ALL teasers with total anticipation. Woody Harrelson has always been a favourite
and Jessie Eisenberg impressed me in Cursed with his ability to transform convincingly from total Jew geek to a smooth charismatic Jew werewolf guy. We horror fans ALL love fucking zombies
in one film or another, even if we have become bored with the stale repetetive nature in which they're used in this day and age. The concept of horror comedy has been a favourite since it was first pulled off with success in films like Evil Dead 2 or for a different take, Shaun of the Dead. Be it noted that I'm aware that there were many other "horror comedy" films around before Shaun of the Dead's inception but none of them came off to me as film's of particular quality. Also, film's like Scary Movie were mostly comedies played lightly to a horror theme, thus, in my opinion, they are comedies, not horror comedies. Anyway, with these points combined, I figured, how the fuck can Zombieland fail?
Zombieland is directed by Ruben Fleischer who has no other well known directing jobs up his sleeve other than a few episodes of Jimmy Kimmel. Even then, are these worthy of mention?
Not really. Funny enough, the writers, Paul Werrick and Rhett Reese, have some kind of writing background, but once again it's really nothing worthy of mention, at least to the Aussie readers.
But do not fret, both the direction and
writing in this movie are top notch. Sure, we have cliches in the story, but fuck me, it's a zombie film, which is far too buried within cliche land itself for it to ever really
bring much originality to the industry anymore, unless we look at the soon to be visited "zombie period film" genre, which sounds really fucking stupid eg. PRIDE AND DEADUDICE - YEAH AWESOME! *total sarcasm*
Nevertheless, if there
is ANY originality to be sucked out of the zombie film (within the realm of "non-stupidity") then Zombieland delivers the goods.
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Our story opens up with the originally yet oddly named Columbus (Jessie Eisenberg), a survivor of what has become a zombie apocalypse. A large portion of the human population has become infected with a virus that has turned them
into flesh hungry crazed beasts - known otherwise as zombies. Yes, I know it's cringe enducing to think of ANOTHER zombie film that has "rage virus" zombies that run and are
extremely aggressive over "dead that walk" zombies that crave brains and shuffle about everywhere, but fuck it, if they do it well, I'm there. Columbus has managed to survive
the chaos by abiding by a list of survival rules he has set himself. This comes easily to Columbus who is a total agoraphobic geek, spending his better days while studying at the University
of Texas sitting in doors, playing WOW and
drinking Mountain Dew... yes... Mountain Dew, what a sick fuck indeed. He's your typical nerd who probably has numerous intolerances to lactose, nuts, etc. and prefers a virtual
online life over any life the real world could offer him.
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^^ I get the same way when I get when I go shopping.
Outta my way assholes! The special on lube is MINE! |
He sets off on a journey to find his parents living in his home town of Columbus (oh, now I get his name) to see if they're still alive and not feasting on the family dog. Along his travels he bumps into another survivor,
Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), who has his own losses from the zombie breakout, which we will not explore in this review in fear of spoiling some more touching aspects of the
story. He's preference is to live as a loner and his mission is to track down every lasting Twinkie in existence. Columbus can only figure this is to ignite some pale reflection of better times before all the zombie
madness began. I figure he just loves Twinkies? Meh... Aint my business.
Tallahassee and Columbus make for a great odd couple. Tallahassee is a loner, rough as guts, gun toting, tough guy who knows how to kick ass and loves doing so. Tallahassee is a safety
first, afraid of everything, nerd. Both methods for each hero has gotten them far in the wake of the end of the world and watching them argue out their sides of everything they do
is a treat. You could almost call them Murtaugh and Riggs (of Lethal Weapon). Of course, that would just be plain confusion because we all know Woody Harrelson and Jessie Eisenberg are both FAR more sane
than Mel Gibson and Danny Glover, who were probably the first two humans who developed and were infected by the virus that made everyone flesh hungry beasts. It's easy to say both Tallahassee & Columbus adapt to each other's ways along their journey, almost developing a need for each other's company. But this is
not without making a few more friends along the way.
Wichita (Emma Stone) and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin) are two sisters heading out to an amusement park in Los Angeles, so Little Rock can be a little girl and have some fun
amongst all the insanity of their modern zombie filled world. This is possibly the stupidest fucking strategy ever - but fuck it right? Little Rock wants to have fun and Wichita,
being her older sister, MUST DELIVER! Er, right. Wichita & Little Rock have managed to survive so far by being ruthless, sneaky and down right mean. They even manage to con
Tallahassee & Columbus out of their
car and weapons upon first meeting them. Actually, it's a fair way through the movie when our four protagonists actually become a tight unit and realise they need to stick together.
The movie features a fantastic climax where the sisters are surrounded by zombies at the amusement park meaning Tallahassee and Columbus will need to save the day. Tallahasse loses his shit, resulting in a mass killing of zombies and Columbus has a showdown with a zombie clown. Columbus has been afraid of clowns his whole life
and it's finally time for him to stand up and be a man. This and only one other movie I've seen have a climax consisting of zombies surrounding our heroes at an amusement park and I've now
reviewed both. This other movie is Nightmare City, which is pretty shit in comparison to this movie. So there you have it, Zombieland is original AND better than Nightmare City! *bah-doom-tish!*
It's safe to say the films ends with the four eventually becoming friends. Realising that they are now the closest thing to a family they will ever have again. It's a touching point to the film.
Sure the gore is cool (and plentiful), the film is horrificly colourful, the comedy is sharp and sarcastic, the zombies look awesome - but amongst all the cool we have here we
also have an underlying message about modern social standards. Columbus learns about girls (yes, he gets the girl (Wichita) in the end), love and just relaxing in general. Tallahassee gains a family
and drops the loner attitude. The two sisters come to realise they don't have to be so cut throat and open up to the affection of others, even letting Tallahassee become somewhat of
pseudo-father to Little Rock. It's a "happy la-la" ending I know, but I thought it was great. It wasn't a wishy washy chop-off-the-balls-and-start-wearing-tights gay fest. It was an at times
freaky and mostly gorey laugh-fest with a nice message at the end. To find this message annoying or too "nice" is a sign of the times and the people that exist in it. Deprived
of compassion and the sense of unity that we humans need to hold onto.
Which leaves me with this thought:
THE WORLD NEEDS A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.
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I left the movie thinking, fuck me, wouldn't it change things? Either we would finally be eraddicated
(and let's face it, one day it's going to happen) or we would learn to all shut the fuck up and get along for once. Whether it be the hand of god or the alignment of the planets or whatever
bullshit you need to hear for valdiation on a shit happens scenario like the existence of humans, the fact is, we need to wash the madness away. The urban jungles, social networking, war,
hate, death, crime - end it all with the culling of humans. The planet is crowded. 60% of the apples in this basket are rotten, either throw the whole fucking thing away or let the bad ones rot.
Damn, once again I'm becoming distracted by my disdain for the world...
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ZOMBIE CLOWN = FUCKING COOL! ^^
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This film has gore, laughs, affection, cool fucking cars, cool fucking guns and Bill Murray getting some hard buckshot in the stomach. Oh shit, did I forget to mention that? Yep,
Bill Murray has a fantastic cameo as himself that is worth the price of admission alone! All our survivors head to Murray's mansion, on Tallahassee's word (he's a huge Murray fan) and
Bill Murray is still alive and well in his own home, dressed as a zombie to walk amongst the flesh eaters without being targeted as dinner. This is a fantastic dig at Murray and
he plays it up all the way with dignity and laughs. At one point he gets out the weed and smokes up with our heroes, clearly winking at his well known naughty habit. Later on Murray
is talked into playing a trick on Columbus by Tallahassee and Wichita. They make him walk in on Columbus (who doesn't know about Murray's prescence yet) dressed up as a zombie
still and pretend to actually be one of the rage infected. Columbus returns the favour by blasting him in the stomach with his shotgun which results in a death scene so hilarious it's
tear enducing!
Zombieland is an aboslute fucking winner and without a doubt will remain in my list of favourite zombie films of all time. I couldn't say I liked it more than Shaun of the Dead
but I'm going to give it a nice big fat "EQUAL" stamp, but this movie AINT sugar free. It's filled with a whole bunch of tasty visuals. Whether it be a zombie clown or the detailed
gore, it all looks good. However, I have TWO complaints:
1. I have a serious dislike for Emma Stone. Her appearance alone indicates to me that kissing her would be like kissing the ass of a dog, bad taste and all. I say for the sequel we cast the beautiful
Danielle Harriss to play Wichita. I'm sure the producers are reading this RIGHT NOW and taking that into account! ;)
2. The movie ended. I am absolutely hanging out for a sequel so I can see what adventures Tallahassee and Columbus will be apart of next.
Yeah, when I viewed the teaser trailer a few months back I thought to myself, how the fuck can this movie fail? Then, as soon as I saw the opening credits consisting of slow
motion zombie attacks playing out to MetallicA's mighty metal track For Whom The Bell Tolls, I knew in no way is it going to.
Sure, you may have a few gripes at the particular type of running rage infected zombies in this film, but as Tallahassee would say "nut up or shut up", or as I'd say - get the fuck over it. Go see Zombieland NOW!
PS. I would like it noted I had an extremely rare outing to the cinema when I saw Zombieland. First, the line-up for tickets was short. Second, I wasn't charged for a second coke which decreased the candy bar charge by TWENTY ZILLION DOLLARS! Third, good service all round. Fourth, the cinema was nearly empty (which truly is a shame for a film of such quality) which meant there were no fucking wankers talking throughout the entire duration of the film. How rare is that in this modern day!? Loved it.
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Getting it wrong and shutting my nuts up, I give this movie: |
4.5 OUT OF 5 JAGER-BABIES. |
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