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SILENT NIGHT,
DEADLY NIGHT
PART 2
(1987)
DIRECTOR:
Lee Harry
STARRING:
Eric Freeman, Elizabeth Kaitan, anyone in Silent Night, Deadly Night 1.
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**Cheers goes out to PAZUZU TERROR for requesting a review of this insane movie.
Fuck me, it seems as though this time The Bludgeoner himself has been viciously bludgeoned... by about 50 fucking tonnes of stupid. This movie is possibly
the best example of how not to shoot, write or act in a film. Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 is in fact so bad, it's insanely fucking entertaining. You don't
NEED to smoke dope to enjoy this movie. You will turn this movie off feeling more fucking stoned than heroin itself could make you feel, ever. You'll manage
to have enough brain capacity left to press stop on your remote. Then you'll sit there, stupified, with glazed over eyes and a single strand of coagulated
drool coming from your bottom lip resting against your jaw, "guuuuuh... dat was ferny..." Funny, indeed.
After a day of brain rehabilatation I ballsed up and managed to get into this review. But I'll never forget the day Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 (SNDN2) raped my brain
and left me feeling intellectually violated, now fearing the evil aliens that created this bizarre film. Where are they now? What do they think of this mess
they left in film history? Are they ashamed? What comes next? THEY MUST REPENT OR DIE!
But I'm being silly... everyone involved lead fruitful lives under the spotlight of Hollywood's fame. Why, lead actor Eric Freeman is now... oh... untraceable?
Yes, seriously, even WIKIPEDIA says he is! Wikipedia is such a reliable source that if Big Wiki says so - you fucking believe so. Eric Freeman struggled in
his career, meandering from shit acting job to shit acting job until in 1992, he literally disappeared. He was searched for when they needed commentary tracks
for SNDN2's DVD release but could not be found. Is this a bad thing? Probably not. Actually, I fear old Eric probably lead a life down the same path of his character
in SNDN2, Ricky Caldwell. One day snapping, picking up a gun and killing everyone, shouting out odd and random comments such as, "GARBAGE DAY!" before plugging away at his victims.
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| But the director, Lee Harry, certainly benefitted from the release of this gobsmacking cinematic delight, yeah? He became SOMETHING right? Yes, he did, he became
a fucking FREAK! His second (and last) directing effort was helming the extremely well known (sarcasm) blockbuster, Street Soldiers. Remember that movie? It starred
nobody anyone cares about and was a cutthroat tale about gangs fighting and other genius plot devices like BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. We'll assume that old Lee Harry
is still living off the millions he made from SNDN2 and Street Soldiers, because besides from a career dabbling in editing and quite possibly sporadic appearances
at horror conventions, I'm pretty sure his days in the film industry are dead.
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^^ Why... Ricky doesn't look insane whatsoever... :| |
But COME ON Bludgey m'boy, there MUST BE some people involved IN THIS FILM who LEAD ON TO SUCCESS right? Well, firstly, I'm not sure WHY you asked me that question
emphasising certain words from time to time like Captain Kirk gasping for breath under his fucking gurdle. Secondly, NO - no success is associated with this film. Not even
lead actress, Elizabeth Kaitan, who played Ricky's girlfriend, Jennifer, received any REAL success. Though, to say she's on the same level of failure as the two previously
mentioned psychos would be unfair. Amongst reasonable roles in HIT films like - Friday the 13th VII, Under The Boardwalk, Night Club, Vice Academy 3-6 (come on, who DOESN'T
LOVE Vice Academy!? Oh, that's Police Academy...), South Beach Academy (an insanely terrible film starring our good friend Corey Feldman) and Exotic House of Wax (finally hitting
the sex films), she also had a part in the famous Arnie/Devito film TWINS - playing a SECRETARY! :O Anyway, now she's just a 49 year old lady wondering what happened to
all her hopes and dreams. Well listen up, lady, SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT PART 2 happened to your dreams. Don't whinge, you knew what you were getting into when you
read the fucking script.
This movie is poor at best, yet it has a huge following. It's cult status is up there amongst other cult greats and it's bizarre nature is widely recognised. It's become
an internet phenomenon due to lead character, Ricky, yelling out "GARBAGE DAY!" before shooting a man who is clearly taking the garbage out on garbage day. Well done, Ricky,
you've seen a man taking the trash out and then stated the obvious. This is a remarkable conclusion for Ricky to come to going by the fact that his jaw is twice the width
than that of his skull.
Silent Night, Deadly Night part 2 has an amazing tagline that may well sum up the viewing experience you're about to go through:
"PRAYERS WONT SAVE YOU IN THE SILENT PART OF THIS NIGHT"
Translation: No matter how much you fucking pray through the total silence this film will envoke from the audience, you are still going to lose your brain when it's over.
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^^ I'm just siiiinging in the blood rain!
^^ The MacGuyver of killers!
"Don't thank me, thank the antenna's ability to strangle..."
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SNDN2 consists mostly of re-explaining the first film and then picks up after that. So a quick recap of the mighty SNDN1 is in order. The first film tells a tale of two young boys,
Billy and little brother Ricky, who are orphaned after their parents are murdered by a psychopath dressed as Santa Claus. Ricky is far too young to be mentally inflicted by
this but Billy takes it all on board, a little too much. We see them grow up without their parents and slowly we witness Billy's mental demise. He finally snaps and goes on
a killing spree, dressed as Santa Claus, until he is eventually gunned down. Ricky witnesses all of this, traumatising him, naturally. Wow, I smell a sequel.
I told a lie just before. I said a quick recap on the first film is in order, it's not really. SNDN2 is full of constant flashbacks to the original film. I'm not talking a quick
2 minute prologue of flashbacks. I'm talking 50% of this fucking movie is the first movie, in flashbacks.
Anyway, like any of this shit matters, part two picks up years later, with Ricky still messed up in the head. He's been caught by the cops for a killing spree and
he's being interviewed by a psychiatrist which explains the flashbacks x FUCK LOADS. Note - I said EXPLAINS the flashbacks, it still doesn't JUSTIFY the abundance of flashbacks.
He explains his upbringing in an orphanage run by really un-sexy non-Cradle of Filth poster nuns. He goes through how he
felt about Billy and his killing spree.
After Billy went nuts and all that first movie business he was raised in a good home by foster parents. His trauma was never treated but
with a bit of TLC he maintained normality and managed to push on with life, you know, like someone with balls does. After his foster dad dies he goes a bit nutty and kills
a few people who are "naughty", as if he were some kind of... EVIL SANTA! MWAHAHAHA! Yeah, pretty stupid, but shmeh... at this point, after all the bad acting and shitty flashbacks,
you would have stopped caring and are possibly catatonic or have started masturbating to porno on your PC. |
Eventually Ricky meets a young woman named Jennifer, who he falls for and their love keeps him calm enough. Until a confrontation with Jennifer's ex-boyfriend sets him back
into psycho land and he snaps. Cue some hilarious death scenes like Ricky killing Jennifer's ex by electrocuting him with jumper cables connected to a car and stangling Jennifer
to death with a car antenna (yes, Ricky is the MacGuyver of killers who has managed to use a car to kill two people without using the conventional method of vehicle death, eg.
running them down with tonnes of motorised steel).
Ricky is nearly busted after a cop witnesses these murders, but Ricky shoots the cop. I'm assuming the cop
was the writer of the film because at this point all kill creativity dies and Ricky goes on a murderous rampage, by simply gunning random people down. This brings about the now infamous scene
in which Ricky sees a man carrying a garbage can out to his front yard to be picked up and Ricky shoots him dead. But before doing so he feels compelled to stare at the man
cross eyed and yell out "GARBAGE DAY!" We've already covered Ricky's brilliant perception of other people's actions but we haven't covered what a RIDICULOUS line this is and just
how badly this scene is acted. Eric Freeman performs this part with such a lack in acting talent that the fucking guy carrying the bin outdoes him. I believed the man carrying the
garbage can's motivations for REALLY wanting to get that rubbish bin out on time more than I did Ricky's rage and insanity. Now that says something.
In the end, Ricky is caught, which leads us back to the interview the movie opens up with. Unfortunately, in an embarrasing display of persistance, the movie insists on continuing,
despite it's consistent failure. Just like the kid at sports day who should only be competing in the three legged race but inists on having a go at hurdles, high jump and other
such events, SNDN2 continues to meander on with it's "plot".
Ricky kills the pshyciatrist and escapes the law. He kills one of those charity Santa's and steals his costume, because
hey, we're here to see a dude in a Santa costume kill some cunts, so that better happen. Oh wait, we HAVE seen that already, IN THE FLASHBACKS THAT THE ENTIRE FIRST HALF OF THE FILM CONSISTED OF!
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Ricky decides it's about time that fucking Mother Superior, from their old orphanage, who he blames for fucking his older brother up in the head, should probably DIE. He kills
the old WHEELCHAIR BOUND woman by cutting her head off. The police arrive, shoot Ricky down and that's the end of that chapter. At least you were hoping so, but it's not, the last
frame shows us that Ricky is still alive. DAAAH, DAAAH! Yes... there will be a third Silent Night, Deadly Night. Shit, this movie series is more persistant than fucking Corey Haim in LUCAS.
So what we have here is a sequel to a film that consists mostly of flashbacks to the original film and has a tiny bit of original plot that ends up covering the same ground that the original
already had covered. So, you ask, what's the point? Well, scientifically speaking, there really fucking isn't one! It's just one big stupid fucking joke. As are the other sequels to follow,
SNDN3: Better Watch Out, SNDN4: Initiation and SNDN5: The Toy Maker, if you can find them that is. Weirdos like Mickey Rooney and Brian Yuzna become involved with the third and fourth sequels.
Although you may think Brian Yuzna getting involved isn't so bad, it probably IS a bad thing given Brian Yuzna's failure at making decent films in the 1990s. Let's face it Yuzna, beyond the
Re-Animator sequels your good films are far and few between and I'm a fan of fucking Society - so that's saying alot! A funny thing to point out is the now reasonably successful Bill Moseley
taking over as Ricky Caldwell in SNDN3. Does this make it any better? No. While we're on the topic of sequels, prepare yourself for a remake, it's in the works. *rolls eyes* |
^^ IT'S GARBAGE DAY. Garbage day makes Ricky tense.
^^ I'm sure all involved in this movie suffered the same fate. |
But you know what? My review is only full of insulting criticism because it's a terribly made film. By no means is it NOT entertaining and in no way is it BORING. I said earlier
the movie envokes silence from the audience. Not because it's boring but because you'll sit there, jaw agape, at the stupidity before you. Even during the moments where the bizarre plot
takes a breather, you can still find amusement in the terrible acting. I highly suggest you and some friends
gather around the TV and put this movie on for a good laugh. At least then you can spend the night bitching about how bad the movie is instead of bitching about the friends
who are absent from your social gathering, as we (YOU - not me) all do in this modern world of "back stabbery".
It's a movie like this that shows you how crazy the film industry is. The movie had a budget of $250,000. By no means would a studio be sweating over whether a movie is going
to make the money back with a budget like that (although after preview screenings that may be said otherwise). But still the film, upon it's release, only made just over
HALF that amount back! Yet, here we are, in 2009, and the goddamn fucking movie is a CULT HIT. I'm talking this movie is EXPENSIVE on DVD. It can only be bought in a double
pack with the original and that's currently going for 75 bucks on Amazon... in USED condition! But look at this, I can go buy Transformers 2, in all its blockbuster glory, for 20 bucks. Due
to it's bizarre nature, cult status and unmatchable obsurdity, SNDN2 is one of the hardest to find and most expensive DVDs I've ever had the pleasure of
tracking down. That says something to me. The film, in all it's poor production value, is clearly a champion of the underground cult scene. That's all it ever will be and that's
all it ever should be.
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In conclusion, SNDN2 is not for the casual movie goer, but it's a MUST SEE for the movie lovers among us. You need to see it to believe it and you may even end up developing a soft
spot for it. For me? It's too obscure to neglect, but too stupid to watch regularly. In sporadic viewings, it's a hilarious treat.
Honestly, NO review could do the bizarre nature of this film ANY justice so YOU MUST CHECK OUT THE VIDEO TO THE RIGHT! >>>>>>>>
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Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 is bizarre, terribly made, unintentionally hilarious and unbeatable for it's target demographic - the hunters of the rare and obscure films, the movie obssessed lions, not the masses of sheep first in line for every summer blockbuster coming there way. With this review done - I will now wish you all a merry fucking Christmas.
Before being gunned down by a strange man yelling "GARBAGE DAY" as I take out the garbage, I give this movie:
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3 OUT OF 5 *UNINTENTIONAL* JAGER-BABIES. |
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