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LEPRECHAUN
(1993)
DIRECTOR:
Mark Jones.
STARRING:
Jennifer Aniston, Warwick Davis and some other bad actors.
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*ZZZZZZZzzzzzZZZzzzzzzzz* Gah! snhff... glehf... Oh... excuse me. I'm so sleepy I must have dosed off. I just finished watching Leprechaun 1 and it's such an effective sedative that now I'm struggling to stay awake. Anyway, let's see if I can try to assemble an opinion of this film from the snippets of my memory when I was awake during it.
Bad acting old man comes home and tells bad acting old wife that they are going to be rich and he shows her some gold. Gold is initially owned by a leprechaun. Leprechaun comes back and kills bad acting old wife, tries to kill bad acting old man, whilst repeating lines such as, "I've come to get me gold!", woohoo! Bad acting old man manages to capture the Leprechaun in a box and chain him in there, all with the use of a four leaf clover. What? A four leaf clover you say? Yes! As Superman is to kryptonite, Leprechaun is to a four leaf clover. Contrived & stupid you say? Yes! You're right, get used to it because the whole movie is based on a foundation of contrived stupidity.
Anyway, 10 years later or something an uglier Jennifer Aniston (before nose job & famous haircut) and her dad are now moving into the house where all the preceding events happened. There's some kinda handyman and some other retarded kid hanging around doing things with their handyman boss who was possibly some kind of love interest to Jennifer Aniston, I probably fell asleep through this "REALLY UNPREDICTABLE" character development though so I'm not sure if I'm right, I'll assume I am. Anyway, I'm sure we can all guess some "snooping kids" or handymen open up the crate and the Leprechaun is set free to do his evil biddings. These evil biddings include; killing very few people, making really bad jokes all the time, repeating far too often variable lines that will all end with "ME GOLD!" and finally just plain existing.
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Suffice to say they trap him in the crate again, yadda yadda yadda, Jennifer Aniston stabs the love interest in the eye with her huge pre-surgey nose in the process of kissing him, the end. Y'know I'm still not sure if they kiss, but like I said I may have been asleep at the end too. It was just such a boringly crap movie that I couldn't stay awake. I figured I could nod off and have dreams with better storylines than this film. At least there would have been a lower plot-hole count in my dreams, which is saying something because we all know how little sense dreams make!
This is another case of a bad horror movie turning into a bad horror movie series! There are 6 of these fucking films and I for one find no entertainment value in any of them. Part 6 is actually called Leprechaun - Back 2 Tha Hood. WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK! Whether they're meant to be funny or not - that's terrible! Not only is it a shit movie, intentionally funny (but not funny at all) & CHEAP but now they're resorting to racial fucking stereotypes!
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^^ Leprechaun - starring Jennifer Aniston & her old huge nose!. |
Much has been said about Warwick Davis's energy in this role. Energy or whatever, I didn't like him in Willow and I don't like him in this. I'm sure he's a successful "small person" to receive regular work (Leprechaun sequels hehe) but this leprechaun character is just too annoying for me to find positives and as for Willow... well I just didn't like that movie.
I'm not going to review any of the sequels because frankly that would be like reviewing a sequel to Dracula 3000 in which we know couldn't get any worse and just will never ever get any fucking better. It's also to help preserve my sanity as I don't think I could sit through another Leprechaun movie.
Let’s explore a couple of scenes…
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They're not written well, there's no clever camera work, I'm sure anybody coming to THIS site knows there's no good acting and overall the production seems rushed and quite obviously cheap. There are really no surprises there as the writer/director Mark Jones has an extensive TELEVISION background, helping produce & write episodes of such classic shows as; Knight Rider, The A-Team, Heathcliff (!?), Hunter... then there's a 4 year break between his last TV effort & this movie. It shows. Apparently Mark Jones's first job in the film business was photocopying scripts; maybe he should've kept doing that instead of riding the "Leprechaun" train all the way to its death.
The DVD I watched in particular was of terrible quality and I wouldn't be surprised if there were better VHS copies still lying around out there (that's assuming someone out there would want to take great care of this title, I would think it would most likely be kept in a reject stack with other titles such as: Weekend at Bernie's 2, Police Academy 6 & Xtro 3).
Even the cover of this film promises to offer more than it actually does with a shot of Jennifer Aniston on the front cover of the DVD that has clearly been taken from her FRIENDS days. Although I have to give her some credit because I spent most of my time during this movie (whilst I was awake) staring at her legs, which did not disappoint.
Do not waste your money on any of these films!<--SEE!! I've emphasized it! I REALLY mean it!!
One last point - he's a fucking leprechaun! Pick the little fucker up and throw him in a barrel of acid, it worked for Robert Wagner!
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Who else finds this completely NOT scary?? It's more... ^^
stupid, annoying or gay! Speaking of gay, nice boots.
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Whilst locating every leprechaun DVD in the world to purchase and burn, I give this movie:
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0.5 OUT OF 5 JAGER-BABIES. |
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