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HANCOCK
(2008)
DIRECTOR:
Peter Berg.
STARRING:
Will Smith, Charlize Theron, Jason Bateman.
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Back in mid-2008 two superhero movies were being released within a month of each other. The obvious big blockbuster hard to beat mother
fucker of these two was The Dark Knight. The epitome of hype, mass marketing and the biggest example of moths being drawing to the warmest
and brightest light. The Dark Knight has so much infamy, but I wonder, how much of a big deal would it be were it not for Ledger's death
and the dark character he was portraying (the Joker you numbskulls) that supposedly lead him to his need for prescription drugs (I highly
doubt that) that lead to his death? Is it possible that humans can get so caught up in the chaotic nature of legends dying, mass movie
marketing and all things big that we just forgot what we're actually fucking watching here. For those of you who need to be informed - it's
a fucking Batman movie. A Batman movie being heralded up next to the great sequels of all time like The Godfather Part II!? Excuse me for
repeating an insult, but, YOU NUMBSKULLS! *clonks heads together in Three Stooges fashion*
In typical fashion I've lost control and my point has gone askew...
I watched The Dark Knight... it was okay. I saw it at Gold Class with a pretty annoying person though so maybe this is where I went wrong.
Maybe it was all the hype? Maybe the hype had promised me so fucking much that I expected to revert back to a version of primal man or maybe
even back to the stage of a nucleus after watching it like William Hurt in 'Altered States' styles. Nah, I just sat there and thought to
myself, "Yeah, that was a good movie. Ledger was definitely impressive. Bale has developed a bizarre death metal vocalist with a lisp Batman
voice, they completely wasted Harvey Dent's role in such a short time span, overall it could've been 30 minutes shorter buuuut it was a good
movie." I left unmoved, confused and bewildered at how much the marketing promised god and all I got was a Iehovah's (Jehovah Witness.
A week or two later I swallowed my pride and went to the cinema to see the second superhero offering. One that, due to it's fuck all marketing
(don't get me wrong - it had a good budget by why bother marketing your film up against the monolith that was TDK at the time), had seemlessly
slipped under the radar without moving an eyebrow. This movie is Hancock.
Hancock surprised the fuck out of me. Naturally, I went into it with absolutely no expectations other than Will Smith saying "Aw hell naw"
a lot and an abundance of CGI. But I came out of this film feeling refreshed and satisfied at a TRULY different take on the superhero tale.
This is no bullshit, fairy floss, look at my beautiful cape type superhero tale. It's filmed and spoken in such a realistic method that
sometimes you think you're watching a promotional documentary titled "THE RISE OF HANCOCK - A TRUE HERO".
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I know you're all rolling your eyes thinking, "Oh shit... Hancock with WILL SMITH?". But I have to say this guy is growing on me. He's range
and versatility is actually developing to something remarkable. Sure, he's in Bad Boys. Sure, he's in a lot of the big blockbusters. But other
than the previously mentioned action title, most of his blockbusters have some sort of intelligence or underlying social commentary. I wouldn't
ever put him in the same category as another all blockbuster star like Sam Worthington. Worthington's agent decides what scripts to send him
like this:
Producer: "Yeah, we've got this thing... what's it called... oh yeah, a script... thought Sam might want to read it."
BS Agent: "Oh yeah? Whassit about?"
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^^ A drunk Hancock - about as useful as a drunk James
Brown at a meeting of women against wife beaters!
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Producer: "Oh, it's some turd about a guy who takes on a whole army of robots, or evil humans, or giant monsters or some other giant
army we'll need to render in CGI. He wins the war, the girl and the award for looking great while doing all of it. It's a terrible story
so we'll just fill it with loud noises and big CGI things."
BS Agent: "Hey, Sam isn't just some cheap whore you can throw you script scraps at you know!? He has artistic pride & integrity. He is not doing
this film unless it's released in 3D!"
Producer: "Oh shit, I'm sorry. Did I forget to mention that? Yeah, it's going to come out in 3D. Hopefully the audience will be so confused they
don't know WHAT they're coughing up the money for!"
BS Agent: "*screams like a ghoul* MMMMMMMMM MONEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! *clears throat* Okay, that's more like it. Sam's in!"
CHA-CHING! CHA-CHING!
You get my point. At least 'i-Robot' had some substance (amongst the abundance of product placement). At least 'I Am Legend' is a classic tale
that has been retold so many times on film of which the latest incarnation was probably truest to the source material and you actually leave asking
yourself questions. Unless you happen to be some trippy mother fucker who left 'Avatar' asking "Wow, I wonder what it would be like to be a Na'vi
living on Pandora." Well, it would probably be a lot like being an early native Indian living in America as told in Pocahontas. It would also be
BORING and really blurry, like the movie 'Avatar', you numbskull! *pops you in the eye Three Stooges styles*
The story of Hancock revolves around the central character, John Hancock (Will Smith), who got that name when the nurse who released him from hospital
after being found with a fractured skull and amnesia asked him for his John Hancock on the release documents. He thought that was his name, yes,
he's not the smartest guy in town but he can lift fucking cars so back the fuck off.
Hancock has super powers and due to his amnesia he doesn't know why. He has super strength, immortality and can fly. This makes him an outcast. Living a life of loneliness and doubt has worn Hancock down. He's an aggressive, surly, drunk asshole and everyone knows it. He doesn't pretend
he isn't and doesn't care that people think so. Every now and then he does a good deed but mostly, due to his drunken attitude, he fucks it up. So,
with good intentions, bad things come.
Until he meets Ray (Jason Bateman), a Public Relations professional. After Hancock saves him from nearly being mangled in a car with train collision
Ray feels he owes Hancock his services. He knows Hancock means well, sees the good inside him and wants the public to see it too. As you would do
when saved by say, oh... a homeless man... Ray takes Hancock to his home to meet the family and have dinner with them. Tonight for dinner they're
having "Spaghetti Madness". See, Ray, brings his work home with him. As a matter of fact Bateman is fantastic in this film for playing the ever
positive, politically correct and always opportunistic public relations professional. The way way in which he speaks to and of his family, their special
dinner nights and just about everything else is done in a tone in which you would think there was a camera filming their lives reality TV style at
every moment. It's fun to watch and Bateman deserves kudos for making the character less annoying than he should be.
From the get go, Ray's wife, Mary (Charlise Theron), doesn't think much of Hancock. Especially after Hancock advises their son at the dinner
table that the next occassion he has trouble with a long time bully that he simply resolve the problem with a swift punch to the bully's "piss pump".
Great line with Will Smith playing the homeless, drunk role with a perfect level of ignorance to his own crass nature.
As time goes on Ray begs his wife to give him a chance with Hancock. Naturally, this becomes Ray's greatest PR conquest. All Hancock had to do to
earn the public's love was apologise for his careless past, spend time in jail to make up for the destruction he has caused in his previous rescue
attempts and assist the police in a hostage situation. Eventually Hancock becomes the traditionally ideal hero, costume (capeless) and all.
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Something isn't right, though. Mary is still skeptical of Hancock and in a moment of confrontation, she randomly tries to kiss him. Suddenly some of
Hancock's past is revealed by Mary of all people! She knows him, she's LOVED him and she knows where he comes from. Why does she know all of this?
Because she's a woman and WOMAN KNOW ALL! hehe. Nah, I'm fucking with you. I can't tell you why she knows it all this information, as that would spoil
the film for everyone, but it's probably
one of the weaker moments of the story. Nevertheless, it is good to be finally clued in on just who the hell Hancock is and where he is from.
Through a series of events involving Mary (which I still refuse to spoil), Hancock starts to lose his powers of flight, super strength and immortality. After
being shot while trying to prevent a hold-up he winds up collapsing and being sent to hospital. As he rests up in hospital his fate becomes grimmer
as the ring leader of the hostage situation from earlier has escaped jail and wants revenge. Hancock lies mortally wounded in a bed as this vicious killer,
loaded to the teeth with ammo, walks the halls of the hospital with a thirst for our hero's blood.
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Aw hell NAW! No bullets gonna take dis muvva focka down! ^^
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Does Hancock finally pass away after being immortal for all these years? What exactly does Mary have to do with it? Finally, if Hancock does live, will
he regain his powers? To find out... TUNE IN NEXT WEEK! SAME BAT-TIME! SAME BAT-CHANNEL! Or just go buy this on dvd NOW you cunts! :)
It's a fucking shame this didn't do as well as it should have. The studio was fucking insane to release this at any time NEAR The Dark Knight. The masturbatory
worshipping of The Dark Knight could never be competed with and any studio would've seen it a mile off. As a matter of fact, when TDK came out all studios
should've just raised a white flag and released NO OTHER MOVIE WHATSOEVER! It wouldn't have mattered because all people were talking about was:
"WOAH... DEWD... DID YOU SEE THE DARK KNIGHT? I SAW IT... LIKE... FIFTY MILLION FUCKING TIMES DEWD... WOAH... SEE THE JOKER IN IT? WOAAAH... HE WAS LIKE
ALL HEATH LEDGER'D UP AND SHIT UNDERNEATH... WOAH... THE DEWD IS LIKE DEAD NOW DEWD! LET'S GO WATCH IT RIGHT NOW DEWD! EVERYONE ELSE IS!"
*yawn*
It's a sign of the times when you have a half intelligent and original film that takes a realistic approach to how isolated and misunderstood a real superhero would feel in our modern
world that gets completely overlooked because people are too busy paying attention to mass-marketed mammoth money monster (say THAT three times fast). Humans are fucking morons and being a superhero would be as frustrating an occupation as a politician. You're damned if you do and you're damned if you
don't is how the old saying goes. Sure, at first he caused damage, but he also saved lives. There's always going to be some minority or majority out there
who will not be happy with your efforts, no matter what cause you serve. Not to mention being the ONLY organism on this planet of that species. Now that
is pure loneliness! He's not a happy, with-it guy. He's a drunk because he has noone and even if he did he'd only live to see them die. He didn't ask for
his special powers, he was born with them. Born an orphan with special powers and no understanding of where you're from.
Hancock is a film that gives you the best of both worlds. It's chock full of dazzling CGI and special FX. But it also has a lot of heart and
the balls to tell a completely unrealistic story in a completely realistic way. If you enjoy the modern wonders of Hollywood special effects but actually
like to think as well, then this is the movie for you. It shits over The Dark Knight because it doesn't just break the mould of superhero tradition by
giving a well known character an unusual twist. It literally picks the fucking mould up, spits on it and smashes it to pieces while screaming "FUCK YOU
MOOOOOOOUUULD! YOU NUMBSKULL!"
An underrated blend of special FX, comedy, drama and action with a modern take that is as refreshing the second time as it was the first. Don't be a
fucking sheep! See it because it's good, not because it's well advertised... or I'll punch you in the piss pump! :D
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While punching a numbskull in the piss pump I give this movie: |
3.5 OUT OF 5 JAGER-BABIES. |
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