Now before you start drunkenly chanting "AUSSIE! AUSSIE! AUSSIE! OI! OI! OI!" in protest just keep in mind that I have nothing against our beautiful continent. Australia is a country full of opportunity, beautiful scenery, unique wildlife and some unbeatable weather. It's also the mother of South Australia, Tasmania and Aboriginals. But hey, I'm not writing just now to concentrate on THOSE Australian flaws. No, I'm writing to excrete mental angst in the direction of the Australian people, the fucking sheep they are.

SHEEP 1: But Bludgeoner, you're an Austral- *PUNCH!*

Yes, I know I'm an Australian, but I believe I'm not included in the category of people I'm about to discuss. This particular category is what could be deemed the Australian "mainstream". The majority of Australian humans, the mainstream fucks (whether they think they're unique for having their elbows tattooed with spiderwebs and stars or not), put this country to shame.

When I was a kid Australia was a place where being a bogan was a label of pride. You weren't confined to the boundaries of Elizabeth or Paralowie (or other non-SA state equivelants of now lower class areas) if you wore a singlet (not a poofy singlet, a fucking BONDS singlet) or if you had ripped sleeves. Fuck, the only boundary that you would need to worry about crossing in fear of acceptance was the border of THE COUNTRY!

Maybe it's just me... but I'm fucking tired of looking around and seeing the fucking well groomed wogs with their tight fucking pink t-shirts, frosted tips and their fucking 400 dollar fucking sunglasses. Aren't you sick to death of seeing metrosexual cunts walking around putting the Aussie male to shame? I fucking am. I like ripped sleeves, shorts, singlets... you know, clothes for fucking comfort? Not to show off my peirced fucking belly button BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING MAN AND SHOULDN'T HAVE ONE! It seems to be in this day and age that if a girly magazine tells you picking up women requires you to be as feminine as possible, any fucking guy out there will do it!? What the fuck fellas!?

*breathes into a brown paper bag*

This hate is leading somewhere. Australians have become a nation full of sheep. If Facebook told us to eat a spoon full of shit, we would. If Brad Pitt started endorsing dildos for men the result would lead to men nation wide receiving regular anal. If the powers that be say it, then so be it.

Do you know what has now become the highest grossest film in Australian history? AVATAR! Yayyyy! We're morons! The TV told us Avatar is must see so we didn't miss it! O0o0o0oh wow! Look at da 3dness of it! This moving picture isn't whack, it's ossum!

AUUURRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

YOU FUCKING MORONS! THE MOVIE IS ALMOST ENTIRELY COMPUTER GENERATED! WHO CARES IF IT'S "JUMPING OUT" AT YOU in 3D!? IT'S STORY IS RIPPED RIGHT OUT OF POCAHONTAS (did I mention it's up for a Writer's Guild award for BEST SCREENPLAY!?) AND IT'S ALMOST ENTIRELY FULL OF THINGS THAT ARE NOT ACTUALLY THERE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?

Because you fucking morons flock to movies like this every time they're over-hyped we don't get good films released over here like "Anti-Christ". Do you understand what I mean by good films? You know, something THOUGHT PROVOKING!?

The problem is, Australia has become too dumb to DESIRE though provoking films. Even as I write this I can actually hear someone going, "Well not everyone deems a though provoking film to be the ultimate quality and the best a film can offer". To this I reply:

DIE.

I'm pretty sure the endless cinematic library can do with a few less titles like AVATAR and a few more thought provokers, so just shut your huge stupid fucking ignorant mouth! You're a cunt - plain and simple - know your place.

I fail to contemplate what goes through the mind of a sheep. How does the hype work them up so easily? Is it a desperate need to compete that gets them out in droves to check out a film? I HAVE TO SEE THIS FIRST SO I HAVE SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT AT WORK! Is it simply that small brains are easily washed? Yes, Master... CONSUME. FUCK. DIE. Or do some people just literally NEED TO BE TOLD who they are and what they like? I'M FUCKING LOST IN A WORLD OF PLASTIC! I NEED GUIDANCE!! I DON'T WANT TO DIE ALONE! TELL ME WHAT TO DOOOO! In any case, it's fucking sad. Hey, fair enough, James Cameron fans - I got your back. Not for liking everything James Cameron churns out, that's just retarded, but for obviously having interest in Avatar. It's his first movie in a decade. Fair enough. Oh and what was his last movie? Oh yes, TITANIC - THE LAST FILM TO BREAK AUSTRALIAN RECORDS OF THE HIGHEST GROSSING FILM! This is not an Aussie loyalty to Cameron. This is stupidity at it's finest.

Translation of advertisement with sunglasses from John Carpenter's They Live:
OBEY. CONSUME. SPEND. REPRODUCE. CONFORM. YOU LIKE EXPLOSIONS. YOU = FUCKING MORON.

Meh?

Heh?

Seh?

That's right... PYEH!

IF YOU SHAMELESSLY HYPE IT... THEY WILL COME.

Yes, it worked. Hundreds of thousands of mindless Aussies went out to cinemas in droves to watch a mindless film full of mindless CGI that played in mindless 3D so they could all stare mindlessly at the pretty things and stuff their face mindlessly with fucking popcorn and mindlessly text each other in the mall afterwards while they mindlessly shop for mindless trendy clothes.

Picking up a pattern? Do any of these people sometimes STOP and THINK about if the clothing they're wearing or the film they're watching represents them? Well, I guess in this case, yes... it does represent them. It's all completely fucking mindless.