MICHAEL JACKSON
~ 1958-???? |
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Wacko Theodore Gloucester Jacko the Third (better known as Michael Jackson) is...
D E A D !
Yes, at the ripe age of 50 years, the almighty and extremely insane Michael Jackson is dead. Passing away just hours ago (how's
this for efficiency - Wikipedia already has him recorded as dead and any "is" words in reference to his life have already been
changed to "was" (God bless the Internet). Thanks to lots of drugs and the common heart attack, Michael Jackson has officially cancelled his comeback tour. I knew he was full of shit!
What does this teach you kids? Even if you try to look younger via cosmetic surgery and even if you do sleep in an oxygen
tent you are still going to get fucked up by drugs or a heart attack.
Rest assured there are SOME positive aspects to this current turn of events. At least Michael's three children - Michael Joseph
Jackson, Jr. (Prince), Paris Michael Katherine Jackson, Prince Michael Jackson II (Blanket) - will now have some type of a more
normal upbringing, even if that means spending the remains of their childhood in an orphanage, because that's easily more normal
than living with Michael Jackson. Holy shit would you look at those names. So Michael Joseph is also known as Prince, then his
other son's real name is Prince but then also known as Blanket. What happens if Michael Joseph prefers Prince and then Prince
prefers being referred to by his real name, Prince!? Michael Jackson has certainly left a conundrum behind for someone else to
deal with there. He might as well have pooed on the carpet and smeared it in all over the floor with a bunch of colourful fridge
magnet letters right before he kicked the bucket.
Now all there is left to do is wait for all the wankers to come out of the darkness praising Michael for all he has done for music
and for his beautiful child like personality. I can't wait for the world to pretend that we didn't spend the last two decades
criticising him for what an ugly, weird freak and child molester he was! Oh how I love this world, its inhabitants and the
complete predictability about all of it.
Well you won't get any of that from the Bludge. I've never thought much of Mr. Jackson. I wouldn't say I hate him, just always felt
bad for the poor fucking guy. He's a product of the media and society. He's the typical example of a human who has been consumed
by the masses just like this planet and then when it's dried up, used up, ugly and empty it gets thrown away as it's no longer
desirable. Then once it's dead, the compassion pours because naturally guilt kicks in and people realise the blame is all on us.
Michael Jackson never stood a chance. I wont say "Yay! He's dead!", because I'm not thinking that. But surely death was the best
option for this poor fellow. Alas, time to move on. I liked a few of his songs and if I hear them on the radio again I'm sure I'll
enjoy them. But I'm not going to start crying and pretending like I was his biggest fan. The rest of the world should follow me, as I
will one day rule this planet.
Rest in peace, Michael Jackson, you crazy cunt.
On other news... Farrah Fawcett dies already half decomposed. Farrah, you'll never live up to Wacko Jacko. At least his body will
never rot. Who knows!? We may experience life imitating art to the extremes and Michael may even rise from the dead, eat some brains, do a funky jig like in Thriller and sing "THIS IS THRILLAAAH, THRILLAH NIIIGHT!".
Ho, ho, ho! Thriller night indeed, Michael Jackson!
Just to make you sadder - here's a picture of Michael Jackson looking all sad and owl-like for his mug shot.
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