“Hey asshole! Keep your fucking voice down!” *repeated stab kicks to the ignorant fuckhead sitting in front of me at the cinema*
I used to love the cinema, but I fucking HATE it now. Am I becoming an old man who is easily agitated or are people becoming increasingly fucking ignorant these days? With their little precious fucking mobile phones that can’t be not used for longer than 5 minutes. It’s not going anywhere you obnoxious and “oh-so popular” cunts. Put it down and watch the movie you paid cash to watch. What the fuck is up with somebody when they pay so much money to see a movie and spend it on their phone? Are they so wrapped up within their own little existence, assuming they’re existence is going to leave a mark on this world more than any film, that they’re willing to ignore paid entertainment to blindly type away at a keypad so they can reply with “cool” or “okay” to somebody who has just texted them a time and place to meet. AUUURRGHH!! *head butt*
It’s not even the texters who really fucking dig at me. It’s the totally pompous wanker non-life worthy rude pieces of shit, who not only keep their phone on full ringtone, but answer it and TALK. No fucking fooling kids, actually TALK on the phone. Assuming that for some reason everyone else paid less than them so they have no right to complain that they’re trying to watch a film. You know, the film, the reason this why this huge fucking room is full of people with the lights off. You know, the paid for movie, the massive bright screen with the cranking loud speakers. Or was this just a minor little inconvenience in your insanely socially hyperactive, tunnel vision mind. Is it desperation? Or fear? Is that it? Are you so aware of how water thin the connections all your friends have with each other are, that if you’re not communicating with or being around them for 1 – 2 hours they’re going to leave you in a puddle of your own vomited true colors rejection? Are the false smiles and over acted hugs SO BLATANTLY obvious that you fear for the words spoken while you’re not around? Are you literally THAT insecure that you need to be using that goddamned little fucking stupid phone with its goddamned little fucking stupid Playboy bunny insignia while you’re sitting at a paid PUBLICLY VIEWED film just to stay in contact with the people you secretly despise because of social terrorism?
I know why teenagers do nothing in the cinemas but talk, play fuck and outdo each others arrogant natures. It’s because they’re getting cash handouts. Mother & father want a quiet night at home so they can get some loving action. Here’s a 50, go see a movie that we both know you should probably have our guidance while viewing, anything! Just get out of the house! Go be little assholes somewhere else, PLEASE! So there we have it, no value on money, can’t blame the way you’re programmed, at least it's an excuse.
But then you have the people who bring their newborn baby or even toddler to a clearly inappropriate horror film. First I stare at these people with the presumption the child will be screaming and crying most the film due to the horrific nature of what is about to ensue on screen. They look at me with a smile as if to say, “Oh you know, just had to get out of the house with the kids.” which only induces a wince from me, as if to say, “I don’t care – get a babysitter – ever heard of Disney films?”. They sit down, the movie begins, 15 minutes in the baby cries so naturally they “coo” and “cah” it but always stop ONE step from literally removing themselves from the cinema. I realize your baby is in an irrational state, but please, remove the child if you can’t pacify it. Your methods of calming the beast are simply creating a more annoying situation. GET THE FUCK OUUUUUUUUUT!
Fuck this it’s not even just the mobile phone users and the 'baby bringers'. It’s the completely unworthy-of-a-face pricks, who talk loud and proud during a screening. You can TRY to hope it’s just through the previews and adverts. Hey why should I complain about that, I didn’t pay for those, I’m not an avid fan of adverts and movie previews, talk your talk. But you would assume that the small little pile of noodles in your thick walled skull that you call your fucking brain would pick up the cinema tradition that as the lights dim you shut that fucking suction void creating hole in your mouth and watch the film. The only time that huge fucking mouth of yours should be open is to stuff popcorn or whatever other deliciously over-priced and “nutritional” snack you could find. Further yet, you hit boiling point, in your mind you’re fucking losing your grip on sanity. Pure obsession at how my obviously more valued movie experience is being ruined by Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum in the 3rd back row who cannot stop they’re “in-depth” conversation. Suddenly, your mind snaps, “AUUUUUUURGH! I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!”, you scream to yourself. You stand up and even then just give a subtle “shhh”. What does this absolute piece of shit do at this point. Not only do they not apologize, they have the fucking nerve to reply back, “Excuse me!? I don’t think so, we paid for our tickets just like you.”. To which the only reply is, “That’s exactly why you should shut the fuck up!”… Of course, this was met with being escorted out of the cinema.
A departing question... why have they have taken away the please no talking and please switch off your mobile ads before the film starts?
Why would they not play these anymore? So they can have an extra 60 seconds to fit in a Telstra ad (that should not be screened at the cinema in the 1st place – I’m sorry I thought I was PAYING good money to be here, why are you flogging consumer products? Are your $10 post-mix Coke’s not making you enough profit?).
Having those warnings could actually remind people whose lapsed memory forgot to turn off their phones to do so, thus preventing the situation where a standard Nokia ring tone on extra loud goes off and half the cinema groans as the phone’s owner struggles to find their precious piece of technology in the bottom of their hand bag or concealed in the very tight pocket of their designer jeans.
Although the piece of shit "ignorants" of today would probably completely ignore the no talking ads, it’s better than completely dismissing the issue!
Oh man, what a day.
No value on money, boredom, ignorance or insecurity? Who knows?
…Fucking humans.
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