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bludg-eoner: |
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Noun 1. - an assailant who uses a bludgeon |
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aggressor, assailant, assaulter, attacker: |
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Someone who attacks. | |
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CUNTS LOVE THE BLUDGEONER.COM: |
"A ruthless and darkly hilarious site which has a
flowing, witty and profane writing style, a strong
visual layout & most importantly an angry-as-hell individualistic viewpoint that is always rewarding. The "rants" section is a particular standout."
Fred of
http://senseofperception.blogspot.com/
"Classy looking site, and funny as s&#%, well
let's just say VERY funny..."
Lyle of
http://www.addixion.net
"A comprehensive, professional-looking site.
Well written, interesting, impressive. I don't
mind the language. Yes, it's cocky, but I sure
was entertained. Particularly by the rant on Adelaide..."
Louise of
http://www.livewritedream.blogspot.com
SITE NEWS:
August 5th 2010
There's a new site layout now, althought it
should be noted it is still in a preliminary
stage. The site is also running on a new server
now as I was getting sick of the incompetent,
and ever so useless fuckheads at Tripod.com.
Keep watching this space for new updates, reviews, rants, etc.
Cheers guvs,
Bludge. |
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RECENTLY ADDED
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BLUDGEONINGS |
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January 19th 2011 |
FOITBSIMP: FUCK OFF I'M TOO BUSY STARING INTO MY PHONE
rant added.
"Nothing is sacred anymore. Nothing is aged and valued. It's a trend whore, disposable society where movies and music don't even come on a playable medium anymore.
They're just untouchable chunks of compressed memory now. High demand = high supply! Any game, movie, song, book, magazine or even a fucking audio book advertised as just released or coming soon is immediately downloadable through the
amazing yet economically and culturally devastating bit torrent technology." |
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January 18th 2011 |
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December 8th 2010 |
HATCHET II
review added.
"But I will still say, Adam Green is a master of his art, destined for the Horror Halls of Fame. Hatchet II may not be as good as the original, but let's face it, sometimes
the appeal of a horror series is reflecting, looking back and watching its degeneration to a diluted formula of what it originally was, eg. Friday the 13th, A Nightmare On Elm Street, Halloween, Child's Play, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, SAW,
Hellraiser... Oh, look at that - every iconic horror film series ever released?! But Hatchet II recreates that magic even still in 2010 - amongst all the horror remakes and piss weak originals." |
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December 7th 2010 |
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October 22nd 2010 |
HO-HO! GOOGLE... YOU NOODLES!
rant added.
"fuck you Google! Oh shit, should I DARE risk losing my 5c a click advertising plan with Google?!
Fuck you, I'd rather be as fucking profane as I fucking well you cocksucking, mother fucking cunts. As a matter of fucking fact, every fucking
time I say fuck I feel a lot fucking better than I do pondering whether some mother fucking bastard has clicked on a fucking whorish link or
not. Shut the fuck up and let me swear - it's my fucking right as an ass fucked tax paying slave to a bitch of a system that can't stop fucking
it's loyal citzens with a big fucking dick in their red raw anus's!" |
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October 22nd 2010 |
DREAM A LITTLE DREAM 2
review added.
"Feldman's ego is undefeatable and for him to have
sat there and watched the Michael Jackson dance scene during the preview without any sense of embarrassment proves that. This scene is not only suicidal thought enducing -
it actually replicates the experience of having your soul burned in the firey bottomless pits of hell. Viewing this film, or many other post-1990s Feldman movies, clearly displays
his pushiness in getting exposure. He crams every bit of himself into the production like he's trying to rape a kitten's ass with a trojan horse packed full of Feldman clones." |
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October 22nd 2010 |
DREAM A LITTLE DREAM
review added.
"This movie shows the potential that both Corey's had. Actually, it shows the potential of the entire young cast. Clearly, acting heavyweights, Jason Robards and Harry Dean Stanton,
have nothing to prove, but some of the younger cast are definitely showing their prowess. But the Corey's show their ability to work with one another, whether it be scripted
or improvised, and it's a fucking shame that this was their last film together of actual quality." |
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October 21st 2010 |
INVISIBLE DAD
review added.
"You COULD be lead to believe Invisible Dad is a movie about how to write and produce a movie with plot holes, bad acting, bad lighting, non-existent
direction, day time TV standard editing and sub-par special effects. Instead, it's a movie about a invisible dad! TADAAA!" |
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October 14th 2010 |
ANTI-CHRIST
review added.
"I've
heard others say it's the scariest movie ever made. Well I don't know what other horror films they've seen but this isn't scary. Sure, it's weird, it's disturbing
but it's too stupid to be scary. It's just a disgusting, silly, pretentious, visually shocking arthouse film. Nothing more and nothing less. It's a collection of
bizarre occurences, dark secrets and dry transmissions of dialogue. Fucking hell, Nicolas Cage's performance in The Wickerman remake is a lot scarier than this!" |
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October 13th 2010 |
THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE (FIRST SEQUENCE)
review added.
"With our victims being stitched together in such a manner and only able to walk on their knees you
would think means of escape is impossible. But I will say things do become quite climactic at the end and you
will surely be screaming at the television in traditional horror style, eg. GO THE OTHER WAY YOU FUCKING IDIOT!
YOU'RE SO FUCKING CLOSE! DON'T GIVE UP! EW, DON'T EAT THAT POO!" |
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October 6th 2010 |
FUCK MY JOB! LET'S 'AVE A BEER!
rant added.
"So in closing, what did my $40 bucks get me? Well, as usual, my money got me nothing but bad service! I could just imagine the delivery driver on his hour lunch break, sucking back his second pint." |
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September 14th 2010 |
PREDATORS
review added.
"The movie makers behind this beauty seem like they're ACTUAL FANS of the first film. It plays closely to it, with a serious tone, but
fully recogising that the subject matter at hand in inevitably silly. It should be noted that there's a fine line between hammy serious and just plain
serious. That line is walked upon by this film like a fucking gymnast, whereas the AVP films walked upon that line like Charlie Sheen
being given a field sobriety test on a Sunday morning." |
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September 13th 2010 |
PIRANHA 3D
review added.
"Yeah, I saw Piranha in 3D! You know what? The 3D fucking ruined it! There were about 2 scenes where I went, "Oh, hey, it looks three dimensional!" The rest of the time
I was either too busy enjoying the movie for, you know, it's fun story, or I was thinking how much I can't wait to leave the cinema and rub my eyes until they bled because
they were that fucking sore from wearing some stupid glasses! Sigh... To add to all this 3D stupidity, the "geniuses" (a term I use loosely) have come up with DESIGNER
AVIATOR 3D GLASSES!! You can pick them up at the counter for a price of only $25... with a surcharge of YOUR PRIDE/BRAIN/SOUL/DIGNITY!" |
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August 24th 2010 |
SPLICE
review added.
"...the most frightening experience I had during my weekend of movies at the cinema was when I saw Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. Witnessing the entire cinema burst into uproarious laughter during the trailer of "Vampires Suck". The cinema, filled with adults and teenagers, was in near hysterics after witnessing the hilarity of the Twilight spoof. Such amazing jokes as people falling over, people being hit on the head and Jacob turning into a chihuaha instead of werewolf. I was literally shocked, then afraid, to see just how fucking dumb people have become." |
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August 17th 2010 |
INCEPTION
review added.
"It is becoming abundantly clear that with each year's passing, Leo ages about five years... Hmmm... kind of like the dreaming timeline thing? 1 year in reality = 5 years in Leo Land! Maybe his head is THAT large that he ages as fast as a small planet would age, only converted to human years?? All I know is that with age, Leo's head gets bigger, while his face shrivels and shrinks to the centre of it - refusing to justify the head size to face size ratio into an equal balance." |
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August 11th 2010 |
THE SYSTEM IS A DIRTY HOOKER FUCKING SCAM!
rant added.
"...you pay your taxes for absolutely NO reason, you study hard and then continue your job as a nightfiller at fucking COLES while sitting on a degree and you support the system only for it to bend you over and fuck your anus red raw while it cackles like a rich Texan oil tycoon with his guns firing into the sky as he violates your body!" |
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August 2nd 2010 |
TOTAL RECALL REMAKE IS TOTAL BULLSHIT!
rant added.
"One could be lead to believe the only reason they're remaking it is so they can tone down the politically incorrect content, fill the movie with pretty people, release the film with a teenager friendly rating and then market it with the number 3 and the letter D! The fact that Len Wiseman, director of the MOST politically correct Die Hard film to date (Die Hard 4), may possibly be directing this fucking atrocity, says it all for me. They have one plan - to take a great film, strip it of everything that makes it great and try to make a fuckload of money with it. 3D! 3D!" |
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June 3rd 2010 |
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (2010)
review added.
"Thus far Platinum Dunes have remade classic horror films such as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Amityville Horror and Friday the 13th. These were all big name horror films and remaking them is like Kraft bringing out an alternative Vegemite with pre-added cheese, calling it 'iSnack 2.0' and hoping for success. Oh, Kraft did that? *shakes head in dismay*" |
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May 20th 2010 |
HANCOCK
review added.
"Sam Worthington's agent acquiring his client a deal:
BS Agent: "Hey, Sam isn't just some cheap whore you can throw you script scraps at you know!? He has artistic pride & integrity. He is not doing this film unless it's released in 3D!"
Producer: "Oh shit, I'm sorry. Did I forget to mention that? Yeah, it's going to come out in 3D. Hopefully the audience will be so confused they don't know WHAT they're coughing up the money for!"
BS Agent: "*screams like a ghoul* MMMMMMMMM MONEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! *clears throat* Okay, that's more like it. Sam's in!"" |
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May 17th 2010 |
DIAGNOSIS? YOU'RE FUCKED IN THE FLOOGLE-WHATS-IT! NEEEEXT!
rant added.
"Corporate mental health tips... Ignore your emotions - don't explore them. Float through life a fucking idiot who doesn't think about anything. You know, like the fuckheads who cut you off in traffic or leave their trolleys sitting in the middle of an aisle at the shops while they're in another aisle altogether! Fill your head with so much brainwashed, self-confidence building bullshit that thinking about what you're doing at all times is no longer a priority - hell - it's not even in your programming anymore." |
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April 20th 2010 |
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